| Thursday, July 5, 2007 |
| Emotions |
One thing I forgot to mention in the post below on backsliding. I am on hormonal treatment for endometriosis and it's made my depression much worse. I find that when I'm depressed, I have a VERY hard time not overeating.
I also am more sensitive and insecure during this time. There was a crisis in my marriage that occured more than two years ago. It was during that time that I went from 145 to the weight I was when I started WW (170).
It wasn't until I had healed from the emotions of that crisis that I finally had successful weight loss. I had tried before and failed, and I know that was because the eating was a symptom of the crisis.
I had felt more free and more healed than ever before and that's when I finally start to shed the pounds. I know it's completely connected.
Well, unfortunately, now that these hormones have kicked in, I've been having trouble emotionally again. I find myself thinking about the crisis often, and feeling very insecure. I think there's a strong tie between that and my latest struggles.
One innocent remark from my husband keeps playing through my mind. He saw a picture of me at Christmas, pre-crisis. "Oh wow," he said. "You look really good in that picture. That must've been when you were thin."
I know he didn't realize how that would sound to me, but the truth was revealed in that statement. If I looked good, then I must've been thin. Meaning I don't look good to him now.
I asked him a few weeks ago, after losing 13 pounds, "So, do I look thinner to you?"
"No," he said. "You look the same. You've always looked good." (That's the fake prepared answer. And how can you not notice a 13-pound loss?) I know that he's afraid I'll stop where I am and not lose anymore weight if he tells me I look good.
I had mentioned that I was worried that, with my health problems, maybe it wasn't a good idea to diet right now. He quickly started arguing (not arguing, but making his point I should say) for why I should be dieting and why it's okay. To me, he just seemed a little too eager and anxious. Maybe it's just all in my head, but that's how it came off.
Yesterday I said, "So, do you think I look good at the weight I'm at now?" Bear in mind, I am 5' 9" and was down to 157, well within the normal limits of my weight range.
He said, "I always think you look good, but you look better at your goal weight."
While I know that's the truth, and I wouldn't want him to lie to me, it still stung. Deeply.
Where's the encouragement? The reassurance that I am loved and attractive no matter what? (sincerely, I mean...not just the pat, "have to say it" responses).
I think this hurt is setting me back. I am feeding my emotions with the very thing that is hurting me. I don't know why that is.
Maybe on a subconcious level, it's a bit of a rebellion? Like, I don't need to lose weight for YOU and dammit, I look good now! Plenty of other people seem to think so, so what is wrong with you?!
I feel like I always have to be perfect, and since I am far from perfect, especially now that I'm sick, I just feel like giving up.
When I was at the deepest point in my depression this past weekend, I said to my husband, "What good am I? Look at me, sitting in bed, good for nothing. Why am I even on this planet?"
He said, "For the times when you're not depressed."
Bad answer. That just made me want to crawl into a hole and die and reaffirmed my feelings that depressed = worthless.
I don't want to make him seem like the bad guy. I don't think he realizes what he's saying...typical male.
But in my overly sensitive state, these things have really affected me and my attempts to lose the weight.
I guess I need to sit down and do some reframing work and make this more about me, as it should be. It's just so hard to do that when you feel like a worthless failure. |
posted by DietDiva @ 9:50 PM  |
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| 12 Comments: |
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Hi DietDiva! I just found your website and I wanted to respond to your recent post. I think that you need to validate how you are feeling about your weight, about your husband, about his responses to you and about the struggles that you are presently experiencing. As a married woman, I agree that most wives need to feel unconditional love from their husbands, regardless of how much we weigh or how we look on the outside. I think that you should consider continuing this diet with the mindset that you are doing it for YOU. Not your husband, not your friends or family, but for you.
As for any physical or emotional challenges, try to be kind to yourself, reward yourself when you do meet a goal, but do not beat yourself up if you give in to a craving. Hormones play such a HUGE role in females lives. Trust that you can do the BEST that you can do, given the circumstances that you are experiencing. Try to get back on track as soon as you can and keep on keeping on!
Best wishes!
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Hey,
I can understand your problem and your emotion also. But don't get depressed. If you can loose 17 pound then you also can loose more and get a perfect figure and look beautiful as you are.I suggest you to buy diet pills to loose weight. Keep working. Good luck.
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Depression and eating has co relation and some over eat while the rest just react oppositely.
Health Advocate
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Emotions do affect us and each individual reacts differently...some eat less in depression but some overeat...
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The best diet plans should have fiber, protein, carbs and healthy fat in the meals.
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Hi DietDiva! I just found your website and I wanted to respond to your recent post. I think that you need to validate how you are feeling about your weight, about your husband, about his responses to you and about the struggles that you are presently experiencing. As a married woman, I agree that most wives need to feel unconditional love from their husbands, regardless of how much we weigh or how we look on the outside. I think that you should consider continuing this diet with the mindset that you are doing it for YOU. Not your husband, not your friends or family, but for you.
As for any physical or emotional challenges, try to be kind to yourself, reward yourself when you do meet a goal, but do not beat yourself up if you give in to a craving. Hormones play such a HUGE role in females lives. Trust that you can do the BEST that you can do, given the circumstances that you are experiencing. Try to get back on track as soon as you can and keep on keeping on!
Best wishes!